


The Aioli Fic

by delicatelyglitterywriter



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Aioli, Cursed, F/F, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, no rating bc i can't decide if it's t or m, parental guidance is reccomended for people under 15 years, this fic contains Cursed themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 14:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicatelyglitterywriter/pseuds/delicatelyglitterywriter
Summary: There's aioli where there's not supposed to be aioli.





	The Aioli Fic

**Author's Note:**

> use of anatomically correct terms, (brief) semi-nudity, unhygienic (?) activity on the part of the Doctor, strong language, do not read if you are queasy.
> 
> Just a little something I cooked up for the wonderful Sara. Enjoy :) 
> 
> (and I apologise in advance for any and all trauma you may experience reading this)

“Yaz? Yaz, wake up.”

Yaz groaned, burying her face in her pillow, and attempted to shrug the Doctor off as she pulled at her shoulder.

“Five more minutes,” she begged tiredly, snuggling deeper under the covers.

“Yaz, this is important!” the Doctor insisted, her tone almost exasperated. Yaz hesitated, and the Doctor dropped a soft kiss to Yaz’s shoulder, making her sigh contentedly. Even if the Doctor - her  _ girlfriend; _  it never got old saying that - needed constant babysitting like a five-year-old, these moments made up for the worry and exasperation Yaz felt, making sure the Doctor didn’t die.  

“Please, Yaz?”

Yaz sighed, and finally relented. She rolled over to face the Doctor, who was propped up on one elbow.

“What is it?”

The Doctor bit her bottom lip -  _ fuck that looks hot _ \- glancing down at the sheets.

“I think there’s something wrong with my vagina.”

Well. Yaz hadn’t expected that. She blinked.

“What?”

“My vagina, Yaz,” the Doctor repeated, looking up at Yaz. “There’s something wrong with it.”

“How do you mean?” Yaz asked. The Doctor had had her period before, so she’d already had the ‘there’s-blood-in-my-underwear’ freakout. 

“There’s, uh, something coming out that’s not supposed to be coming out,” the Doctor explained, fidgeting with the hem of the pillow cover. Yaz closed her eyes and sighed. 

“Doctor, please tell me you didn’t try to birth more mushrooms. If I feel some baby mushrooms climbing up my leg, I swear to-”

“No, not the mushrooms,” the Doctor promised. “It’s uh, oh, well, I’m not entirely sure  _ what _ it is.”

Yaz opened her eyes, raising her eyebrows, intrigued. “Let’s see then.”

She kicked the covers off them with her foot, while the Doctor slid out of her pyjama bottoms and undies. Yaz wrinkled her nose when she saw the yellow goop that had collected there. 

“That’s going to be a nightmare to clean up,” she sighed, but cautiously leaned in for a closer look. It looked oddly familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. And she certainly wouldn’t put her finger  _ in _ it, either. Tentatively, she sniffed, recoiling in surprise as she recognise the smell.

“That smells like aioli!”

The Doctor shifted into a kneeling position, not caring that the goop was still slowly dripping out of her, smearing her legs, and she leaned in and took a sniff herself. Her face lit up when she came to the same conclusion as Yaz.

“You’re right! It does smell like aioli!”

Before Yaz could stop her, the Doctor had jammed her fingers into the goop.

“Doctor,  _ no _ !” Yaz shouted as her hand landed in the muck. The Doctor merely grinned at her, and Yaz sat up, reading the Doctor’s intentions in her face. “Doctor, don’t you  _ fucking dare _ !”

Without breaking eye contact, the Doctor raised her hand, and popped her filthy fingers in her mouth. Yaz’s hand shot out to grab her wrist, but she was too slow, and could only pull the Doctor’s fingers from her mouth too late. The Doctor grinned, ignoring Yaz’s glare. 

“Tastes like aioli!” the Doctor announced, pulling her wrist from Yaz’s grasp. She went to taste again, but Yaz stopped her, grabbing hold of her wrist again.

“Doctor,  _ no _ !”

The Doctor pouted. “Doctor, yes!”

Without warning, the Doctor’s other hand shot out and grabbed her undies. Yaz acted quicker, tackling the Doctor and pinning her to the bed, managing to snatch the underwear and toss it to the side in the process.

“Your fingers is bad enough,” Yaz said. “But you are  _ not _ putting your  _ dirty underwear _ in your mouth. Have you never heard of hygiene?” 

The Doctor grinned mischievously. “You didn’t complain about that last night.”

“That’s different!” Yaz ground out. “The answer is ‘no’.”

The Doctor pouted again, but it morphed into an ‘o’ shape as she realised something.

“Oh! I think I know why ailio is coming out of my vagina.”

Yaz closed her eyes, taking a deep breath through her nose. “Please don’t ever say that sentence again.”

“It was the Meemites,” the Doctor said, ignoring Yaz. “Remember how we - well,  _ I _ \- ruined the vase that supposedly stored the soul of their queen, and they cursed me?”

Yaz nodded.

“I think this is the curse! I think they cursed me to have ai...this predicament,” she corrected at Yaz’s glare, warning her to not repeat the sentence. 

“Well, is there a fix?” Yaz asked. The Doctor shrugged. 

“Yeah, I know of one. But it will take a few days to kick in, which means I’m going be be, well, like this for several days. What should we do with it all?”

“What do you mean? We treat it like your period. Pads and tampons and stuff.”

“But it’s aioli!” the Doctor protested. “It’s a shame to waste perfectly good food, Yaz! Maybe you’d like to…”

Yaz’s stomach blanched at the thought. There was a distinct difference between food, and well,  _ food _ , and a combination of food and  _ food _ was a no-go for Yaz. She shook her head, banishing the thought from her head. 

“Go have a shower, Doctor,” she said eventually, shaking her head. She climbed off the Doctor, intending to go find something to clean up the aioli with. From behind her, she heard the Doctor grumble.

“You’re no fun.”

A couple of hours later, with the Doctor showered and wearing a pad (Yaz had checked), and the bed and sheets cleaned up, Yaz went into the kitchen for lunch. Graham and Ryan were already sitting there with the Doctor, enjoying some chips. Yaz pulled out her water bottle from the fridge and took a sip as Graham spoke. 

“Hey, Yaz, want some?” 

Yaz peered over the counter. “Is there enough for me?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said as Yaz took another sip of her water. “Plenty of chips and aioli to go around.”

Yaz choked, the water in her mouth spilling out everywhere. After coughing the water up, she scowled at the Doctor, who looked back innocently. 

“Aioli?” Yaz questioned. The Doctor smirked, actually  _ smirked _ .

“Well, I had some aioli lying around, so I figured, why not use it up with some chips? The boys were quite eager to share.”

Yaz thought she was going to be sick, and she momentarily thought about telling Ryan and Graham where that aioli had come from. She eventually decided against it, knowing they’d already ingested a good amount. Better to save them the agony of knowing they had, well, eaten what they shouldn’t have. 

“You sure you don’t want some, Yaz?” the Doctor asked, snapping Yaz out of her thoughts. Yaz glared at her, and sighed. It was going to be a  _ long _ few days before the aioli went away. 

**Author's Note:**

> 10 points to everyone who understood the mushroom reference.


End file.
